Helping families help their loved one — exercises

Exercise 1 — Writing a Johnson Model intervention letter

Why a letter?

In the Johnson Model, each participant reads a pre-written letter aloud during the intervention. The script matters because emotions run high in the room — a written letter stops people sliding into spontaneous anger, blame, or freezing at the decisive moment. The aim is to lovingly but firmly break through denial and move the person toward pre-arranged treatment that same day.

The six components — always in this order

Tone rules

The bottom line / consequence

State a consequence only if the person refuses help. It must be:

• A boundary, not a punishment — it protects your wellbeing or stops you funding the illness.
• Concrete "If… then…" — no vague threats.
• 100% enforceable — only say what you will truly do, immediately. A broken bottom line destroys your credibility forever.

Workable examples: stop financial support; stop covering lies to their employer; change the locks; stop contact (including with grandchildren).

Worked model phrases

• Love: "Dear ___, we don't say it enough lately, but I love you more than I can express."
• Memory: "I'll never forget how, three years ago, you were the one person who backed me when I started my business."
• Illness: "I've learned that addiction isn't weak willpower — it's a serious illness, and I want to help the real you come back."
• Fact: "Last Thursday at 7pm when I called, your speech was slurred and the next morning you didn't remember the conversation."
• Offer: "We love you, and we've already booked and paid for a place at ___ clinic — they can take you today. Will you let us help?"
• Bottom line: "If you choose not to go today, I will no longer call your boss with excuses — if he asks, I will tell him the truth."

Template — my Johnson letter

Write 1–3 sentences for each section. Read it aloud to a partner and check it against the tone rules.

Self-check & facilitator debrief

• Did I open with love, not the problem?
• Is my memory specific and genuine?
• Are my facts things I personally witnessed, with date/time?
• Did I avoid every label and every "always/never"?
• Is my offer already arranged (bed booked, paid, today)?
• Is my bottom line a boundary I will actually keep?

Debrief prompts: Where did anger or blame creep in? Which fact was most powerful — and why was specificity the reason? Could you really enforce your bottom line tomorrow morning?

Exercise 2 — Structuring an ARISE intervention

What makes ARISE different

ARISE (A Relational Intervention Sequence for Engagement) is invitational and transparent: the loved one is invited from the very first phone call, knows a meeting is happening, and there is no secrecy and no ambush. It mobilises the whole family as an ongoing Intervention Network ("Family Board of Directors") over 6–12 months, not a single event.

The three levels (apply the minimum pressure needed)

Level 1 step-by-step

Phase A — the first call (coaching the Concerned Other)

1. Establish hope — relieve them of "enabler" guilt and the "wait for rock bottom" myth.
2. Map the network — who cares enough to come? (family, friends, employer).
3. Draft the "Recovery Message" — a multi-generational, blame-free message of hope.
4. Plan the invitation — open and transparent, no secrecy.

Phase B — the first meeting (held whether or not the loved one attends)

1. Joining — welcome everyone; if the loved one comes, include them with equal respect.
2. Elicit family strengths — list them on a flip chart (loyalty, work ethic, survival).
3. Build a genogram — map intergenerational patterns, grief, cut-offs.
4. Review previous efforts — see that one-to-one pleading hasn't worked.
5. Statements of concern — each member shares personal, loving observations.
6. Strategies & contract — if present, agree level of care and a start date; if absent, plan how to invite them next time.

Example invitational scripts

• Recovery message: "We love you, and we want to stop this pain reaching the next generation. This isn't about willpower — it's an illness, and we want to break the cycle together so our family can heal."
• Open invitation (no secrets): "I want to be completely honest with you. I've contacted an interventionist because we're worried. We're meeting Tuesday at 6pm — your spouse, your sister and your parents are all coming because we care. You can choose where we meet."
• The "regardless" boundary: "Because we love you and we're committed to our own healing, we'll hold this meeting whether you come or not — but your voice matters to us and we really hope you'll sit with us."

Template — plan a Level 1 ARISE intervention

Facilitator debrief

Debrief prompts: How does removing secrecy change the loved one's likely reaction versus a Johnson surprise? Whose presence in the network is most influential, and why? How does framing addiction as a multi-generational pattern reduce shame? What's the risk if the family escalates levels too fast?

Exercise 3 — Using CRAFT techniques

What CRAFT is

CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) trains a Concerned Significant Other (CSO) to change their own behaviour so that sober time becomes more rewarding than using time — and to look after themselves along the way. It is non-confrontational, used unilaterally by the family member, and reduces the CSO's anxiety and depression even if the loved one never enters treatment.

Core techniques

1. Self-care — build your own wellbeing independent of the loved one's using.
2. Functional/behavioural analysis — map the triggers → using behaviour → consequences.
3. Positive communication — soft, assertive, direct (see PIUS below).
4. Positive reinforcement of non-using behaviour — reward sober time.
5. Withdrawing reinforcement during use — calmly step back when they're intoxicated.
6. Allowing natural consequences — stop enabling (don't lie to the boss, pay the fines, bail them out).
7. Inviting treatment — at a "window of opportunity," with intake pre-arranged.
8. Safety first — assess risk; have a safety plan, because new boundaries can trigger reactions.

The PIUS positive-communication formula

Make high-stakes conversations PIUS:

• Positive — say what you want, not what you don't ("I love time with you when you're sober").
• I — lead with "I", not "you".
• Understanding — name that their situation is hard.
• Share responsibility — acknowledge your own part (without owning the addiction).
• (plus: be brief and specific.)

The I-statement formula

• "You're a lazy, inconsiderate slob for coming home late and ruining my evening."
• "When you come home late without calling, I feel hurt and anxious, because I worry about your safety and dinner goes cold."

Reinforce sober time / withdraw during use

• Reward sobriety (and say why): "I've loved sitting and talking with you this afternoon while you're clear-headed — you're so funny when you're sober." (Rewards: favourite meal, a film together, a shared hobby, a walk.)
• Step back during use (calm, not punishing): "I love you, but I don't enjoy time with you when you've been drinking. I'm going to go and read for a while." (Withdrawals: leave the room, go for a walk, don't discuss big decisions while they're high.)

When & how to suggest treatment

• When: the relationship is moving positively, both are sober and calm, OR a "window of opportunity" — they're feeling natural remorse/discomfort (health scare, money worry, job loss).
• How: offer it calmly as support, not punishment; a "back-door" framing is fine (counselling for stress). Have a rapid intake slot pre-booked so the hand-off is immediate before motivation fades.
• Script: "I know how exhausted and stressed you've been. I found a counsellor who helps with exactly this, and they have an opening tomorrow at 2pm. Would you let me drive you, just to see if it helps?"

Template 3a — translate "you" into a PIUS I-statement

Rewrite each hostile line using "When… I feel… because…" plus a positive ask.

Template 3b — functional analysis (the behaviour roadmap)

Map one recent using episode to find where you can shift your response.

Facilitator debrief

Debrief prompts: Why does arguing with an intoxicated person act as reinforcement? Which felt harder — rewarding sobriety or stepping back during use? Where in your roadmap is the single highest-leverage change? What's your self-care plan if your loved one says "no" this month?

Comparison at a glance

Content grounded in sourced material on Vernon Johnson's model, the ARISE model (Landau & Garrett) and CRAFT (Robert J. Meyers), researched via NotebookLM. This handout is for training/education and does not replace supervised clinical practice; complex or high-risk cases should be referred to a certified interventionist.